Original entry and comments: http://cherryteresa.greatestjournal.com/2006/09/26/
Well, surprisingly some people actually still check this journal to see if I update it. Due to some personal issues, I don’t have the internet at my apartment for the time being and haven’t for the past few months. But I do have internet access elsewhere so I will still update this from time to time. Just not as much as before. Thanks to those who do actually take the time to read my blog! 🙂
Let me just take a minute to answer some questions I’ve been getting a lot from people to clear some things up.
First of all, my health much better. I’m still not completely well and according to my doctors I probably won’t ever be well until I hit menopause – then I will have a whole host of other issues, of course! But compared to how I was before my second surgery, I feel like a million bucks. Now if only I could feel like I used to a couple years ago before all of this got really bad, I’d feel like a billion bucks. But you know, I shouldn’t complain because there are many people who have worse things they are going through. I just started being able to work again a couple months ago, which is something I couldn’t do before – not even a non-physical desk job. But now I can and I am and I feel like my life is starting to get back into a routine again.
My health still is up and down and at this point there is no way that I can commit to being in any type of serious band that plays out regularly, records, and all that good stuff. It’s just hard to predict how I’ll be feeling on a given day and I still have to go to pain management once a month along with other doctors every couple of months. The pain has only reduced it hasn’t gone away like I wish it would. It does break my heart that I am getting older and while time is slipping away, I can only stand back and be an observer. (Well, I’m not old. I’m turning 25 on October 25th, but these days I’m considered to have just a little bit of time left in the music business).
I really want to be out there in the music scene once again. And I feel soo weird just having a day job. Before this, I had a job with either: a band and/or a boyfriend and/or school and/or other commitments or lessons. But I just have a job now and that’s how a lot of people live their lives. And I’m not knocking those people but I don’t know how they do it! I have been so stressed out. Yes, that’s right – not having enough things to do makes me stress out. I can’t just sit still but I really have to for once in my life. For other people, this would be joyous and relaxing but not for me.
I’m so bored! Now I think I know why some people are so obsessed with being in a relationship and aren’t comfortable being single even for a minute. They end up with someone not so great because they think that’s better than being single, which isn’t good. But that’s a whole other story for another time…
As of a few weeks ago I’ve started going back out again and it feels great to see everyone again and see a lot of the bands in this area that I’ve grown to love. It has been weird just going to a show. With no flyers to hand out, no show dates to push on people, with no tickets to sell nor a CD to let people know about. You’d think that would feel great and relaxing. It is for the first few minutes. Just being able to: watch a band’s set, listen to their songs, and not worry about your own upcoming show. But when you see someone else out there promoting their band you just really miss your old life. At least that’s how it is for me.
And there is something else that happened that I don’t even like to admit. It makes me so sad! I had to sell my Yamaha S-80 and my Alesis amp. I didn’t want to, of course. It was either sell those or get evicted. If I got evicted, I’d end up having no place to put the keyboard anyway, so if I didn’t sell them I’d be homeless and and have no keyboard. So I had to sell it. With all the medical debt that I have now from being sick and on top of that not being able to work for about a year, it’s going to take me forever to save up enough money for a new keyboard. I still practice and write on my really crappy Kawaii keyboard. It’s better than nothing but it only has like three octaves, with voices that aren’t great, a bad feel to it, and I couldn’t ever use it to perform or even really jam out unless it was with acoustic instruments. I can’t hook it up to an amp (even if I still had an amp but I don’t even have that anymore!)
So basically to sum up the answers to the questions I’m getting a lot… Yes I’m a lot better but I’m still not “well”. And yes I’m still making music. I never quit. I was forced to be on a hiatus. I’m just not out there like I was before. But I hope and I am fighting to come back again when things get better. I have to get a lot better healthwise and if that happens then I still will be saving up to buy my equipment again. I just have to be patient. I am not a patient person so it’s going to be tough.
Please keep your emails coming. I love hearing from everyone.
Here is something random I found on a friend’s Myspace page.