The show on Monday was amazing. Wow. I didn’t realize all the emotions I would be feeling during and after the show! I imagine this is how “normal” people feel like when they go to their high school reunion. This scene has meant to more to me and my life than high school ever did. Thank G-d.
It sold out before .click. even played. Even the people who would normally have the okay to get in when shows sell out weren’t allowed into the club. I missed Compression and Great Mutant Skywheel because I was still in my class. 51 Peg played their older stuff, which I hadn’t heard in years. That’s when I started to realize how long it’s been since the scene was what it used to be.
.click. was freakin’ amazing, which didn’t surprise me because I saw them at one of their practices. But it was still good to see it officially at a show with a crowd and all that. All of it was right-on. The instrumentation was flawless, the energy was unmistakable. And the harmonies and background screams were still on after all these years. I just danced my ass off and sang the lyrics to the songs like a freaking idiot. I miss just acting like a fool and having a blast when I go out. They played the right combination of things. Of course, there are other songs I would have liked to hear but they didn’t have much time to play. (I would love if they did another show that was at least an hour so I could hear the other stuff). But they used their time well and played songs from all three albums.
Live Alien Broadcast hit the stage and it was like my senior year of high school all over again. Songs I hadn’t heard in years were played and I was jumping up and down like a dork with people I used to see all the time but have lost touch with.
So many people I haven’t seen in years were there! Hardly anyone even aged. I felt super happy and excited at a show for the first time in a lonnnng time. I can’t even remember the last time I felt like that.Now I know for sure that the reason I am so bored in this scene isn’t because I’m old. It’s because it has just changed so much. The music had more meaning, the people were just so much more awesome back then. Yeah, there was still drama and stupidness but it was on a different level. I don’t know how to explain it. The vibe in the audience was different. People didn’t just go to shows because there was nothing else better going on. They genuinely were inspired and affected by the music back then. There was just an entirely different vibe and energy coming from the bands and the crowd. I miss it.
I was on this cloud most of the night. I had that feeling again that I was with the people that I belong with – my dysfunctional family. I didn’t even want to think about the night ending. But then I went downstairs for the afterparty and I had a WTF moment, haha.
Sometimes when you take a trip down memory lane, you revisit places that you forgot about, not just the happy locations. I just looked around the room and realized a few things at the same time. All these different emotions, memories, and feelings came back at me at once. I remember how great things back were back then. But I also started to remember what a confused, lost little girl I used to be and how desperate I sometimes was. I remember how I just wanted to fill some type of void back then. I had something to prove in those days. I’m so much more at peace and happy with myself. I don’t feel the need to go out of my way to prove things. I feel like even though I don’t have as much fun nowadays, I have grown up in a good way more than I thought. I had these emotions that I used to feel a lot but haven’t felt in a long time. I didn’t want to have that feeling. And for this, I’m glad the past is in the past.
But sometimes I miss it in a weird way. I looked at the bad guys I used to date and the ex-friends who I mistakenly trusted when there were red flags that I couldn’t see back then. I’m much more cautious of people and who I surround myself with these days. Thankfully, I have less drama and stress to deal with compared to back in the day because of these decisions. However, I do kind of miss that innocence. (The feeling and attitude, not the drama). I sort of miss thinking people were good and not having any reason to think people had the wrong intentions or were going to hurt you in the end. I like knowing the truth but I also miss the feeling of not thinking badly of people.
The only dumb crap that happened Monday night was someone trying to start a fight with me for no apparent reason. But whatever. I’ve calmed down about it. I wasn’t going to let that person ruin my good time. I got more mad about it afterwards than while it happened because I was just like “Who do you think you are?” Haha. Not worth thinking about anymore.
I’m really glad that Monday night happened. I was able to say goodbye to my past. I could see the people I have missed. I was able to hear the music I loved. I was able to get excited again. I could catch up with people. But I was able to say to myself “Yeah, the past was amazing. But it’s not going to be like this anymore. It’s time to think about how to make the future great and enjoy the present. I don’t want to be that little girl anymore. I’m glad I’m not”.
Goodbye, past.