I had a random dream Saturday night that Nelly Furtado died. I don’t have anything against her and I don’t think about her much since her first and second albums came out. I have her song “Powerless” in my iTunes, but I haven’t heard that in at least a week. So this was pretty random. I mean, I even saw it on the news and everything (in the dream). I had to double-check online to make sure she wasn’t really dead.

http://cherryteresa.greatestjournal.com/2005/08/19/

With the cost of gas so high right now, I really wish I wasn’t scared to ride a motorcycle. Sure would save a lot of money on gas. And my car can’t run on ethanol. Maybe all cars should. It’s made out of corn. Farmers would be making a lot more money. They are in a constant struggle to make profits. And if they do, that can change in an instant. And corn is a renewable resource. Let’s make more cars run on ethanol! Then maybe we wouldn’t be fighting over oil so much. Lots of cars already can run on ethanol (E85 – which is 85% ethanol, 15% gas) and their owners don’t even know it. Unfortunately, right now there are only a few gas stations in Maryland that offer this alternative. For more info and to see if your car can use this money saving (and more environmentally friendly) alternative to regular gas, you can go to http://www.e85fuel.com.

So my friend David who died earlier this year was on my tv screen a couple nights ago unexpectedly. I was watching the news and they showed local protesters of the war in Iraq. There was a woman I’d never seen before and had this poster that was a collage of pictures of David. I was just semi-day dreaming. In la la land. And out of nowhere saw his face and emotion just came over me.

They said it was his mother. Then I realized it was his step mother and that’s why I’d never met her. When he and I were hanging out, he had no mother in his life. At least in the physical sense. His mother had recently died of cancer – breast cancer I believe. And he struggled a lot with that. But he still stayed strong. I dunno, it’s just kind of sad. This was a good friend of mine at one point in time who I knew had a lot of hidden pains. But he didn’t usually let that get the best of him. At least he didn’t let people know it. When people die, I always hope that they made peace with the hard things they’ve dealt with in their lives. But it’s hard to imagine if he had made any peace when he was at war and that’s how he died. And he was so young.

I go from that thinking and the outrage of this war. But then I watched the Today Show. And they showed strong men and women who are out there fighting. Who want to be there. And say that they don’t want to pull out of the war yet. That they want to make sure they finish what was started. And you could see they had this sincere sense of pride and purpose there. That even though they are in an extremely chaotic environment full of uncertain outcomes, they brave the 100+ degree weather strapped in pounds and pounds of gear, ready and willing to help the people in Iraq that are defenseless. So it’s kind of weird to see the two different sides of war. You see the families and friends that are completely torn apart when someone they are close to is fighting a war. But then you see troops that are willing to put up with unimaginable stress and harsh conditions to help fight for our country. I mean, whether or not you support the war it’s hard not to be so proud of them for their complete selflessness.

I didn’t talk to David in the couple of years prior to his death. I don’t know if he hated being there in the war. Or if he was one of the troops who faced each day as if he was blessed to be able to help people. Maybe if he was one of the ones who wanted to be there, then maybe in some strange way he did die in peace. But then again, when I knew him his family was sort of bohemian. And so was he. So I don’t think I’ll ever know. That outlook in life could be taken either way really when it comes to how you feel about the evils of war vs. helping save people.

I didn’t agree with this war from the beginning. But now I’m really mixed on how I feel we should handle it now that we’re at this point. Of course I empathize with the troops and their loved ones who everyday have to live with the stress of not knowing if they will come home alive. And I don’t know if there will be a “civil” ending to all of this. But at the same time… although I didn’t agree with us going there in the first place, now that we’re there, we shouldn’t leave things worse off than they were before we got there. Sure there is progress being made in the sense that they are working on a constitution. They finally got the chance to elect a leader. But to just leave the citizens there with all the chaos and everyday terrorism that has escalated since we got there without a resolution would be horrible as well.

Arsehole Astrology

ANOTHER friend of mine is dead. A good friend of mine from when I was in middle school died fighting this stupid war. We used to chill like everyday at at his house back when I lived in Mt. Washington. And now he's gone.

I miss you David Branning and I'm sorry that you had to be a part of this unnecessary war. And that you lost your LIFE doing so. We love you.

http://www.pigstye.net/iraq/article.php/20041118081029177

Edit – March 30, 2013: The original link now points to another news article about someone who died in 2010. My best guess is that it was an unintentional mistake made when The Baltimore Sun did a system change to their website a couple years ago and now it points to a similar, but incorrect article. I was able to find the same information on a City/County Digest page.

My friend Charlie Smith died last night in a car accident. I don’t even know how I’m feeling because it seems like too many of my friends have been dying lately. I know I do feel very sad that such a great person’s life was cut so short. I knew him in high school. He was one of those guys you saw the first day of your freshman year and it made you so glad to not be in middle school anymore haha. Because he was very attractive and had a certain coolness and confidence that caught my eye immediately. Sort of like a mid 90s version of James Dean. Shortly after school started, he and I ended up being friends and he was going out with one of my best friends, Andrea for a while. We would all hang out together. We would party and chill at his house. And sometimes he’d come over to my neighborhood and hang out. I remember once he walked to my neighborhood to meet up with us and it was a few miles! Then a couple years later after my friend had moved away and he had already graudated so we lost touch, we started working in the same place. I worked in the music section of this local chain that used to have a few stores, Bibelot. He worked in the cafe section in there: Donna’s. We’d talk, sometimes take breaks together. But what I really remember about him is the time I saw him during my Senior Week. He was living in Ocean City at the time and I had ended up running into him and hanging out with him. And I ended up getting myself into a bad and stupid situation that was my fault. Without me even asking, he had totally helped me out during this and was so there for me in a way that I will never forget. I remember I had always wanted to see him and tell him how thankful I was of that. He prevented a very bad situation from happening. What was really cool about him is how accepting and non-judgemental he seemed to be. How friendly and chill he was. I wish I had a chance to say goodbye and thank him for all he did.